How We Love

I’ve been stalling, putting it off, but sometime in the next couple of weeks, I need to temporarily shut down the blog for some work that has to be done over at the server. I say “temporarily”, but tech-savvy friends have told me, sadly, that things often go wrong when you change root domains.

Even if I back up my content before I initiate the process, I could lose all of the subscribers I have left and that’s the heartbreaking part. Those of you who still read this and who have stayed with me through bustling bistro days and cyber-hibernation silences are very, very special to me.

If you want to reconnect with me again, I know you’ll find a way; the domain name will stay the same and most of you have my blog email address. But if this is it, if this really is the end of my blogging journey here because I lose what’s left of the blog’s quiet continuity, I’d like to leave you with one of my favourite songs, from my favourite singer-songwriter. It describes how I feel about about life, love, legacy and us.

I believe with all my heart that if you’re still reading this, if you still visit this blog, then you’re a kind, supportive person, a detail lover, a creative who wants to connect with others, with your best self and the world around you.

Some days you feel that who you are and what you do makes a difference, because you do little things with great love and presence.

Some days I can almost hear your creative soul screaming with pain as you wonder why you bother.

But still, you connect, you go online to enjoy the journey home to yourself; you seek out people and places who make you feel like you belong, like you make a difference.

Rightly or wrongly, that’s the you I’ve always written for, the you who makes me feel grateful for the gift of your presence.

Please wish my wee bloggling luck. I feel like I’m about to watch a loved one being wheeled in for elective surgery. ~ Janice

If the YouTube video doesn’t work for you – and I’m sorry, I’ve tried but have NO idea how to fix the UK/rest of the world  problem – then please try it on your version of YouTube or simply buy the track or the album. I promise you, How We Love is worth it.

How We Love ~ by Beth Nielsen Chapman

Life has taught me this
Every day is new
And if anything is true
All that matters when we’re through is how we love

Faced with what we lack
Some things fall apart
But from the ashes new dreams start
All that matters to the heart is how we love

How we love, how we love
With the smallest act of kindness
In a word, a smile, a touch

In spite of our mistakes
Chances come again
If we lose or if we win
All that matters in the end is how we love

How we love, how we love
I will not forget your kindness
When I needed it so much

Sometimes we forget
Trying to be so strong
in this world of right and wrong
All that matters when we’re gone
All that mattered all along
All we have that carries on… is how we love


  1. Surely, I wish the luck you want at this time, Janice! Thank you for how your deep empathy has birthed and polished writing for us all these years. Your expressive, inspiring support – through blog posts and individual responses to our blog comments – has positively infiltrated my soul and heart. Most often what you wrote brought light to what hides in dark and perhaps frightened places and often catalyzed the next creative move. Your authentic care for our sensitivities and uniqueness affected me in profound ways for which I am deeply grateful! Bonne chance, with love, Connie

    1. Thank you, Connie! You’ve always mirrored my public writing back to me more kindly than I see it myself. I couldn’t wish for a more heartwarming response, one that makes me brave enough to attempt this scary technology, but which would also serve as a beautiful blog epitaph if I mess up the transition. Here’s hoping it’ll give me the guts to start afresh if I have to, and keep me calm and inspired enough not to fry anything technical as I’m plodding through the process. You know all too well how often that happens when I get too intense. Turns out, this sweet new theme may have to go, too, even if I manage to change root domains without any mishaps, because it’s no longer being updated and maintained.

      I’m getting better at letting go, but I’m still pretty rubbish at it! Reminds me of a favourite quote by A.A. Milne:

      How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

  2. Talk about letting go. . .this progressive/conservative bifurcation going on in the U.S. has led me to realize that almost everyone on my Facebook friends list is from the other side, so now I’ve stopped Facebooking too. If you do lose your connections here, go there, type in the names of those you wish to reconnect with, and you will likely find many of them. As for me, I found a link that allows me to stream movies for free, so I’m watching movies these days, something I’ve never done online. Letting go and welcoming what comes next is one of my strong suits. I’d like to find a group with minds much like yours to discuss some of these fascinating movies. Character and plot analysis is another of my strong suits. Love you, J.

    1. Oh my goodness – Brenda!!! So good to see you here! Seeing your tweets (as ‘regular’ as mine 😉 ) reassured me you were online and OK, but this is how I remember you… long, joined up writing, like so many of us who are unashamed word and connection lovers. You know you can always discuss movies, poetry, song, literature and life here – if there still is a here after I send my server folk the go-ahead to do stuff I don’t even really understand. It astonishes me that the people who still comment here are all as articulate, savvy and creative as ever, and kind; always kind. I cling to that in these days of madness and tragedy on the news. I have to be stoic about letting go as I get unsubscribe emails daily now, but it’s all meant, and all my own responsibility so I can live with that. I’m getting much better at seeing suffering and joy as the same, all of it life, and just noticing my breath, taking every day as it comes, but as I told Connie, I know I’ve still a long way to go. I’m glad letting go is one of your strengths; it’s such a useful outlook to have, in everything from relationships to editing, clutter clearing and coping when things are wrenched from you. If the blog does go pear shaped, I’ll know where to find you. Thank you, and lots of love to you, too!

  3. Hi Janice – I’m sure you’ll be back and all will be well … but I’ll keep in touch. Good luck with all the re-organising, tidying up etc you’ll be doing … I’m just off for a couple of days and have a busy week … needed to get a few things done before Easter week comes along – so crammed life in. But I’m here and will keep an eye out and stay in touch ..

    I know Beth Nielsen Chapman means a lot to you … I will listen once I get back and am not ‘rushing’ for the train … not sure it’s rushing – just mooching slowly forwards … and working out my agenda once I get to London town …

    Take care and I’ll be around soon … Big hugs – Hilary
    Hilary recently posted…Knickerbocker Glories … and Rhubarb, Rhubarb, Rhubarb …My Profile

    1. Thank you, Hilary! You have no idea how much pleasure it gives me to see you smiling in your hat and to read the titles of your posts in Comment Luv! You inspire me, gobbling up life and relishing everything then filtering it all and sharing so much with us. You have a kind and steady heart, and the world’s a better place for you being in it. Please give this song a listen when you can; it’s my favourite BNC song, out of all of her songs, albums and live concerts. That, in itself, should tell you how much I love the folk who take the time to visit this blog. All of you raise my game, make me want to be and share my best self.

      Have a great time this week! I’m figuring out how to do an Under Construction plugin so you’ll know when the blog’s ‘in surgery’. I’ll stay in touch. This isn’t my cyber-hibernation season.

  4. Have faith my wee friend. This is not the end, merely a beginning. The souls you are meant to connect with will find their way to you (and you to them).

    What was it you recently told me? “What’s yours cannot pass you by.”

    1. Hi Marc,
      I think it was my mum’s favourite:

      What’s afore ye’ll no go past ye

      I’ll have to be dragged into Facebook kicking and screaming, I’m afraid. I love the site Brain Pickings and it’s one of the few things in my pared back wee Twitter world, but I’m even having to avoid going there now; I just get sucked right in. I log on to work or write, then as a break, I nip over to Twitter, pick a tweet, start with one interesting or inspiring piece then it’s link-surf-itis and before I know it, that’s me lost in a world of literature. Definitely too much of a good thing. That’s why one of the first things I do when I come back online is visit photography and poetry blogs – instant blasts of pure creative joy.

  5. I’ve no idea what you might be doing that might jeopardise things so, but will keep fingers crossed for you and sure we’ll find our way back soon.

    1. Hi Joanna,
      The main scary thing is that my blog’s not hosted on my root domain, which I hate and want to get rid of – it was a daft name choice and attracts all kinds of spam and filth – so I’m transferring it and getting rid of the other domains I pay to host but no longer use. Even the server folk warned me to back everything up really well and told me they’d no idea how long the whole process would take and what might go wrong regarding WordPress and re-uploading. One friend said that photos often get lost in transit; another said the transfer could affect the original Feedburner feeds.

      I’m as optimistic as a total techno-numpty can be, and I plan to be really, really careful, but I already lost hundreds of folk who were subscribed when Google got rid of their feed reader during one of my cyber-hibernations; if things go badly during the transfer, I didn’t want the few of you who still visit to think I’d just shut up shop completely this time and walked away without a word. I’m feeling more clarity and more determination to write than I have for ages, but I have a sinking feeling about what would happen to my will to blog if I lost both my current blog and my remaining visitors. Too much attachment, I know, but that’s where the heaviness of heart is coming from.

      I’m glad you popped over; I wanted to thank you personally for all the great folk & sites I’ve found through you… for example, Jane, Gilly, Catherine Drea, Anthony Wilson and Brain Pickings. The way you and Barbra use Twitter shows me how it can be used regularly and well, and that’s lessening my fear of it.

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